What have you been feeling since the start of JC? Overwhelming stress, the thrills that new experiences bring, or that intangible ticklish feeling at the bottom of your heart when you see that one person? Don’t snicker in front of your screen and try to exit this page. Relationships and crushes are not taboos but, in fact, very normal phenomena in this stage of our lives. Teenage years are turbulent and often throw us out of our comfort zones. Developing romantic relationships is a means to build self-esteem, better understand ourselves, and polish our social skills. Amidst this whirlwind, you are carefully nurturing a relationship that you see the most ideal version of yourself in. This is probably your first taste of adulthood - a tantalising blend of freedom, responsibility, and yes, occasional bittersweet moments.
THE SWEETNESS
We have all asked ourselves before, when daydreaming about that one person - do I want to be with them, or be them? Actually, it can be both. In JC, a microcosm of society, adolescents inevitably experience a sharp increase in their understanding of societal constructs. We are in desperate need of role models to guide us in fitting into the construct. When we see that the qualities we aspire to possess are concretized in a person, attraction naturally comes into the picture.
You want to be a respectable person like them, but the mere thought of meeting them is enough to propel you out of bed and through a tough day of school. The most important thing is, this is only the beginning of your exploration in relationships. There is no one-size-fits-all, or fixed recipe to love. You can love however you want, freely and proudly.
THE BITTERNESS
The honeymoon phase is indeed very sweet. However, as time passes, conflicts inevitably arise between two parties. The bitterness can set in when the relationship moves into the uncertain phase, typically within 3-6 months. People are no longer as intrigued as they used to be, and conflicts escalate. In this new phase, the dreamy side of the relationship fuses with the less attractive reality. More often than not, you are not prepared for it.
The perfect reflection that you used to see in this person now has flaws. The gap between reality and expectations widens. The hectic school life does nothing to help mitigate misunderstandings and worries. You might find yourself on either side of the spectrum - engaging in heated arguments or resorting to silent treatments, holding too tight or letting go too soon.
THE TIPS
Of course, there are ways to solve these problems as the phase after uncertainty is adjustment. In a positive relationship, the goals and commitments remain unchanged despite conflicts: to become a better version of yourself. Do not be afraid of conflicts as they provide opportunities for growth.
Before jumping into any solutions, it's crucial to give each other time and space to reflect. Many couples with anxious-avoidant attachment styles struggle when it comes to resolving conflicts. One party wants to resolve the issue immediately, while the other wants time off for themselves. It's important not to expect conflicts to be resolved immediately. Give each other enough time and space to reflect, and check in when you're ready. Always inform your partner about your feelings and find a middle ground.
When both parties are in an argument, admitting one’s mistakes and apologising can be challenging. However, compromise is essential. Learn to see the issue from another person’s perspective and acknowledge that it's not weak to initiate an apology after a fight. Remember to have meaningful discussions about each other’s feelings and areas of improvement as well! Additionally, avoid "keeping score" about who apologises first or who has more responsibility than the other. Doing so will only exacerbate the situation and make previous efforts futile.
Lastly, manage your expectations of your partner. Humans are multifaceted, and no one remains the same over time. Relationships are not always smooth sailing. Be prepared for flaws that you may find in your partner. Openly discuss them and come to an agreement together. Similarly, when your partner points out a flaw they see in you, listen with an open mind before jumping into self-justification.
THE END
Not so easy being in a relationship, is it? Don’t worry, the point of this article is not to discourage you from having one. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The ups and downs of relationships are lessons we are bound to learn in life. So, while it may be a bumpy journey, it is undoubtedly worth it. Embrace the challenges, cherish the memories, and remember that every experience, whether sweet or bitter, shapes us into better versions of ourselves.
Thanks for reading
Written by: Qianhui
Edited by: Iann and Samuel
Designed by: Cayden
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