There was once an Irish saying, “A good friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find but lucky to have”.
Friends. Everyone wants a genuine friend that supports you through thick and thin, and is always there with a helping hand when you need them the most. Life in the outside world is also much easier to navigate with the company of a friend. The transition from Secondary School to Junior College exposes you to a new environment; especially for JAE/ DSA students, your Secondary School friends may not have followed you to the same Junior College. Hence, making new friends is important. Making friends also plays a major part in making your Junior College days less stressful. Although I am not an expert in this field, I have once been in your shoes and looking for new friends. Therefore, let me share a few tips on how to make new friends, as well as to navigate your friendships.
How do I make new friends?
The first step to making friends is, surprise, surprise: Taking the initiative. If there is someone you would like to get to know, waiting for the person to talk to you would never work. So, take the initiative, strike a conversation with the person!
Some conversation starters can include introducing yourself, mentioning your experience at recent events in school like orientation, that you both had gone through. During the conversation, be sure to be a good listener and maintain eye contact at times to make them feel comfortable.
Most importantly, when starting a conversation with someone you have just met, it is important to not intrude their boundaries. Allowing a person to feel that they can express their thoughts freely with you to an extent that they are comfortable with, without feeling judged, is crucial to forming genuine friendships.
Remember a conversation goes both ways. So, after this first step, it is important to continue talking to the person in order to build the friendship. As the conversation continues, get to know the interests of the other! Having a common interest is one of the most important factors in a strong friendship. Continuing to talk to the person is highly important in strengthening the bond and getting to know the person better. Friendships are often categorized as Acquaintances, Friends, Close Friends and finally, Best Friends. Although to say that you can become best friends with a person in 2 years of your Junior College life is a little of a stretch, becoming close friends is a more realistic goal. Other than just conversing with the other, it is possible to initiate outings to spend time with the person outside of just school. Certain activities can include bowling, watching a movie, etc. This shows the other person that you are invested in building a friendship, which signals the other to also put in effort into it.
Now, enough of how to build friendships. Let’s move on to how we can navigate our friendships. Navigation of friendships is very important in maintaining the friendship. It is crucial to strengthen the foundation of your friendship with the other before transitioning to becoming close friends.
Firstly, navigating through conflicts. During the span of being friends, differing views between the 2 of you will definitely result in conflicts. Conflicts will inevitably result in unhappiness in each other which will build up within ourselves. This is not encouraged as it would cause the friendship to break down. Hence, it is essential that you sit down with your friend to discuss your differing views towards an issue. During the conversation, be sure to listen openly to your friend’s view and not be hostile towards views different from yours. It is important to keep in mind that your view is not always right or complete. Additionally, there may not even be a right or wrong in the first place. Having differing views is actually not a problem as long as you respect each other’s views and understand where the other is coming from. Share your thoughts about the issue and strike a consensus with your friend. This is the most effective way in solving these conflicts. Powering through conflicts also strengthens your friendship with the other.
Secondly, navigating through each other's low points. Hard times are inevitable for both you and your friend. Let’s start off with you. Whenever you are experiencing a hard time, when your life seems to have been met by a huge barrier, always know that your friend will be there for you. When met with difficulties, the first pillar of support you should approach is definitely your parents. However, sharing your difficulties with your friend does not hurt and trust me, he/she will help you to their best ability. Know that no matter how hard your life is, you will never be alone. Now, when your friend is experiencing difficulties, you have to be there for him/her as well. It is not easy to spot someone who is going through difficult times, especially if he/she masks his/her emotions very well. Hence, the easiest way to spot it is when he/she changes their behavior (e.g. Becoming more withdrawn, etc.). Therefore, try to get your friend to open up about it, and when they do, be sure to provide a listening ear and a helping hand. It is not easy for one to open up about their difficulties, and when they do so, it implies that they have placed a certain degree of trust in you. Help them to the best of your ability, and see them through their difficulties.
Above are some of the best tips I have to offer for you to make friends, and navigate through your friendships. As American Columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one that walks in when the rest of the world walks out”. I wish you all the best in building true, meaningful friendships!
Written by: Timothy Ong Qi En (21S6J)
Edited by: Tan Xuanmin (21S78), Uyen Tran (21A15)
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